Yesterday once more

Yesterday felt like a replay of the famous Carpenters' ballad, 'yesterday once more', as I was suddenly filled with the snapshots of the past which just came rushing into the mind. It almost felt like I was traversing through time as I flipped through the photos when snippets of the past first appeared in my mind. (Chronologically, the memories came to my mind before I started locating the photos to revive the past sentiments)

I was overcame with nostalgia, and it brought smiles and giggles as I recalled the remnants from my own past, while tiny tears formed at the side of my eyes too. Most of the memories which came back were the happy ones, though there are bits and pieces which did tug a little at the heartstrings for they held that tiny part of weight deep down inside. Questions of what-ifs do come into my mind once in a while, but they are just there like passing clouds for I do know that the past will always be the past and today is based on the decisions we made back then. It is inevitable regret will creep in once in a while but nothing can change the past, and I can only focus on the present, with the lessons learnt from the past to make the future a better one. The future is the one that I should be focused on and the future depends on what I do today and to avoid regrets, the only way is to truly cherish the present and make decisions for the upcoming future.

Memories are what made us who we are today; our thoughts, our character and our personality are all formed from the events of the past. They should be regarded with amusement and part of our learning curve as we should only look forward to the future. God gave us eyes to look in front; which is why our eyes are located at the front and not at the back, to avoid always being hung up on the past.
We have all been through the good and bad times; which is the main reason we have learnt to smile, to frown, and to silently cry. The good and the bad are there to teach us about emotions, and that the journey of life will always be filled with bends and turns, but there will be rainbows and sunshines, and many other little things which can just turn that curve on our lips upward.

Time really flies as I looked back at some of things which have happened; for instance, even in the past year. I have gotten back to working in the field which I thought I have left and had the busiest year and a half which I am still wondering at the way I survived the time. It was a bittersweet experience and while I have been through the tough times, I realized that there were silver linings as I have found the ones who truly cared and will stand by me in times of good and bad without question. Besides I have also filled in the blanks with more experiences and left footprints in the lives of others; having had theirs in mine too. I have met people whom I may not have known had I not taken that chance, or if I had just given up. I had formed strong friendships alongside the working relationship and even though we may be apart now, we are still very much attached to that bond we had formed in the past year.

Work, life, relationships and friendships and all the events just came like it was being played on the a slideshow. Perhaps I should thank my memory power for being able to recall even the smallest details which some of my friends have even forgotten. I am a very sentimental person, and I hold each of the bits and pieces of my life with so much emotion that sometimes I find it hard to let go of the things in life. It could be that I am too determined in part, and there are times when I just hold strongly to my beliefs. It is just the way it is with my life, I always regard everything with a serious attitude, and sometimes, it is this which could end up bogging me down and hurt myself in the process.
Well, at least it is something which I have learnt to deal with and understand, and am now learning to let go, slowly.

I don't let go of my memories though; no, they are, in my mind, one of the most beautiful part of me for they are truly what formed me today. I love remembering the stories from the past, and the things I have been through with the many people whom I have crossed path with. From childhood, school, university, my first job...nothing can take all these away, nor can they be deleted just with a click. I treasure these memories with all my heart.

I have learnt to laugh so hard that it is hard to breathe; with the funny and ridiculous jokes that I have heard...
I have learnt to hold back my tears and not let them flow down to show weakness. It was difficult, but I am determined not to be weak and I had to hold them back even though they were filling my eyes to the brim that I had to even hold back from blinking or breathing...
I have learnt to take a deep breath and walk away from an argument, even though I know the other party is on the wrong and I am right (and I do not like to back down when I am right, but I did)...
I have learnt to just ignore and block out the messages which are meant to hurt me, and just take a deep breath, telling myself that it is just part and parcel of life...
I have learnt to look straight at the people in my eye and show them I am not afraid of them even if they try to create fear in me
I have learnt to let go of the extra baggage that I do not want carry any longer
I have learnt to just let myself go and cry as hard as I can, to myself, in my car, and somewhere in my secret hiding place
I have learnt to swallow my tears and muster up the courage to smile even though deep down inside it hurts
I have learnt to accept things that cannot be changed and not myself be affected by them
I have learnt that there are just things which are beyond my control and I do not need to even try to control
I have learnt to forget things which have happened, and I am still trying to learn to forgive
I have learnt to let go of the things which didn't matter and to bury the deep scars
I have learnt that feelings are beautiful and they come and go, for we are just human beings
I have learnt that I need to love myself before loving others, and for others to love me
I have learnt to smile at myself each day because I am worth it

There are just so many more things that I have learnt and I am still learning along the way.....and there will be no end to the learning as I am faced with all the different and unpredictable situations which will continue to head my way.
There is no sure way to say that there won't be anymore tears or anger, but I am ready for them for I will just counter them with my own way....to be positive and brave.

Yesterday I was just naive
Yesterday I believed that everyone was good in their own nature and not evil
Yesterday I find it hard to really place trust in someone besides myself
Yesterday I felt hurt by the people who did not care and showed their true nature
Yesterday I saw hope and love in those who showed up in times of need
Yesterday I smiled because it is going to be alright today
Yesterday I looked forward to today because I know that time will always heal
Yesterday I laughed because of all the goofy things I did and believed was cool
Yesterday I smiled because I was filled with hope with what tomorrow would bring
Yesterday I wiped away a tear when people weren't watching
Yesterday I had so much fun with the people who shared the same vision and passion with me
Yesterday I drifted apart from some of the people from the past who judged me
Yesterday I made decisions by asking for His guidance

There are so much more which had taken place yesterday, but they are all in the past and they will always be a part of my past. It will always be a secret part of me, but all there to make me better and to tickle me to see the beauty and ugliness of what I had been through.
Today is what I am going to do and how I want to make myself happier

Tomorrow is something I cannot see just yet, but I am sure it will not be an easy road because that is just life...and the only way to make it easier, is to just be brave, and smile to take on that challenge!
After all, no one ever said life is going to be easy...and the best we can do is to make it the best for ourselves!
So, Smile, laugh, cry, shout, get angry, get goofy, (but don't go killing people), let your hair down once in a while and life will be a cool roller coaster ride~ :-)

Missing all the memories from the past...maybe I should write a letter to my future self, based on the memories I am creating today for tomorrow~

Sleepless night

I lay awake last night; way past my usual bedtime, tossing from the right to the left while trying to shut my eyes to sleep. It wasn't like the ordinary routine where I would just need to close my eyes and then I would slowly drift to sleep. No, somehow I couldn't shut the thoughts in my mind or tell my mind to just wrap it up for the day and let me get to rest. It was like my mind was just not in direct synchronization with my eyes and my heart (literally, not medically) and there were just flashes of images and scenarios which just keep playing themselves like slideshows being put on the Play mode on the remote control when we are watching a movie. The only difference is, the Pause or Stop button does not seem to be working, even as I was trying my hardest to halt the entire stream of thoughts from continuing.
It seemed that the harder I tried, the harder it becomes for me to really shut my eyes and just go to sleep.
I guess, I just didn't expect it to affect me that much, especially since I have recently managed to recover my sleeping pattern.

It was not really good, I have been plagued with sleeping problems for a couple of months; and was periodically occurring since last year. While it was originally caused by the work stress and also the work which led me to staying up to complete my assignments, and then mentally planning and preparing myself for the next day each night before I go to sleep, it soon became embedded in the sleep routine which made it harder for me to go to sleep even after those stressful work periods. I told myself that it was just the momentary effect since I have conditioned my body and mind to that stage and it will only take time for me to re-condition and allow myself to just let things go and unwind and things will go back to normal. It did appear like it was according to what I thought; only that the sleep patterns were irregular and I just find that I was getting restless at the same time.
Many methods were implemented; trust me, I have tried everything and even chamomile tea which initially worked, just turned out to let me down much later, even though I didn't drink it every single day so as not to allow its effects to wear off eventually.

I have gotten back to sleeping better over the past few weeks, and I knew that it is a good thing for my body and mind to really get that rest it deserved, and not think too much before my bedtime, which is what I always do (oh well, I don't just think before my bedtime, I just keep thinking, like, all the time!).

Last night was probably not because of any other issue, but it was more of something which was more of a thinking dilemma, only it did involve a little more than that. Somehow, I could not help thinking about the past, the present and the future and linking them together. There are just so many things which kept plaguing my mind to the extent of a decision that I was stuck in a dilemma. At the same time, there was just a slight feeling of hurt and disappointment which crept into the heart because this time, it involve not only a decision but rather, a perspective and a point of view that made me wonder, whether I have been too silly to believe what I thought was the truth all the while.
I couldn't help it, the sneaky little thoughts from a tiny voice just kept seducing me to question the very root of my trust and faith in the person and the situation in which I had been believing all this while. Have I been too naive and trusting again, to think that things were the way it seem?
The recent incident seem to appear otherwise and try as I can, I can't seem to justify the reason for the thoughts which just crept its way into my mind and into the heart.

I wished I had an answer; and perhaps that was what I was probably doing, keeping myself awake in the process, trying to come up with the answer or the justification to explain what is actually happening, and I am not sure if I am able to even convince myself. It is hard enough trying to understand the situation and worrying about the direction I want in my life, but matters of the heart and relating to trust are just never easy to decipher. I want to brush away the hurt, for I believe it could only be a perception formed on my side.
I want to believe that it not the case; that I have been overly involved in the thoughts of what I perceived and that it was just a misunderstanding. I want to believe so badly, even though I have no way to prove whichever is wrong or right. I know deep down inside, it is not as bad as the worst case scenario I have imagined and that, was indeed a case of just an extra inflated balloon.

It is a wonder I can get any sleep when my mind is filled with so many thoughts pacing back and forth, and with me physically turning over from left to right, right to left and staring at the ceiling.
The thoughts are coupled with that tinge of hurt which I just could not explain, because I did not want to explain and I just want to let it be.
It hurts because I cared; and because I had let my trust and naivety take over, and I am now doubtful if it was truly well-deserved or was I just believing in someone non-deserving?

I don't have all the answers yet, and I may never have all the answers...I may need to wonder my whole entire lifetime, or I could just go up to the person and ask, but will I still be able to believe or again dissect the answer and the way it was answered to my thoughts? I don't know, perhaps what they say is true, Ignorance is Bliss....and maybe I should never need to know, to maintain that original positive image I have formed.
I don't know....I just think, I need to stop thinking about it...and let time and nature takes their course....

Spare a thought for the festive season

How was your Lunar New Year, or rather your Chinese New Year 2014 celebrations been?
I am sure it must have been awesome; I was enlightened by the constant and instant updates of new photos throughout the festive celebration on my social media accounts (especially Facebook) of how everyone was enjoying themselves. It was definitely a delightful treat; not to mention refreshing, in the least when I see the vibrant lifestyle of most of the people posting details of their lives and their families and friends all on the blue and white page and to a certain extent, it even seemed like it was some sort of a competition with each sharing about how grand their dinner was, how exciting their activities were and even how beautiful their clothes were. It was not in a negative manner though; in fact, I even find it amusing and entertaining to be able to be kept updated of all my friends' lives at a click to scroll down the page.
I am happy to see the beaming faces and I wish everyone all the happiness as well.

I used to take the Chinese New Year in a rather nonchalant mood; meaning I am not really that excited about the festive mood as it approaches, and it was rather weird for children typically look forward to the season to put on their brand new clothes and shoes, and awaits the collection of red angpows (red packets with money) which brings extra pocket money to be spent or, in my case, to be saved in the little piggy bank (this is just a term referring to the coin box; as mine was a rabbit bank, and it was in my favorite pink color too). Perhaps it was due to the fact that Chinese New Year meant lots of homework to work on, and feasting on lots of takeaways or stored food and cookies which were not to the liking of my taste buds. You see, the Chinese New Year happens to be big deal back then among the Chinese community and it is especially so in a Chinese populated neighborhood where everyone takes a break from work to enjoy the festive season; including the morning/night markets, hawker stalls and even restaurants. The only ones which are left open would charge exorbitant prices for a simple meal; unless you go to a place run by Indians or Malays, or the other option would be the always fixed price fast food outlets.
Today is slightly different, and it is not that the Chinese New Year no longer matters, but the folks in business are now smarter to earn the bucks during the festive season when others are resting and then enjoy their break at the end of the Chinese New Year when things have resumed to normal. These folks are definitely enjoying the good fortune and prosper well during the Chinese New Year season, with a price increase in their food and drinks.

I remembered I was also not that fond of a lot of cookies or the festive goodies which many kids would run to, and squeal in delight as they reach their hands for that tin of Kuih Kapit or Kuih Bangkit, or even the chewy sweets. I, on the other hand, run towards the opposite direction.
Perhaps I was just weird, or I did not want to risk falling sick at all, or another simple reason, I hate how those stuffs stick to the back of my teeth and just makes me so uncomfortable, and for that reason, I've sworn them off. Weird, I know.
Well, I am still a normal kid who loves collecting angpows, although I typically only collect from my close relatives and I don't usually go to my friends' houses as I just don't find it that appropriate to be asking for angpows from their parents, even during the festive season. I just don't feel right about it; and this is just from my personal perspective. Another thing that I used to do during the festive season, is to finish up my homework and revise my chapters on the textbook. Sounds crazy, right? And I know you are just this close to calling me a nerd, or a dumb bookworm.
Maybe I am, I just love books, and I want to prepare myself ahead of class and to understand all the stuffs that I have been taught. Of course, I don't READ textbooks throughout the entire holidays, I still read my favorite novels more than the non-fiction.
Those were the memories of my childhood during the Chinese New year season.

As I grow older, okay, I am old now, I find myself anticipating the festivities and together with my brother, we would work together to decorate the house and help mum to clean up, and even buy the food stuffs for the reunion dinner or to store for the season. Reunion dinners previously probably just passed as a normal dinner as we always had dinner together every night. My dad used to tell us, "A family that eats together, stays together" which remains etched in my mind, and I strongly believe in this. No one dines first, then others dine later in my family. If we want to eat, we sit down at the table together and eat together, that is the rule.
Since I left for university and then later for work where I was based in another state, traveling home for reunion dinner became something which I looked forward to, as it meant I could stay at home and be with the family (which also meant being pampered and spoilt rotten) even if it meant just for a couple of days.
I slowly started to appreciate the theme of the reunion dinner as it was truly meaningful when the whole family gathers again at the table; chatting away happily and enjoying the food.

After I got married, I switched to sitting down for reunion dinner with my in-laws and it was a unique and enlightening experience to me, exchanging our thoughts and banter with my new family members at the table. I did miss my family, but I did know I could return for the reunion dinner on the second day of the Chinese New Year; a custom practiced by the Chinese society where married daughters are to return to their maiden homes to start off the year ("Hoi Nin" in Cantonese, or directly translated as Opening of the New Year). It was also another happy occasion; when I get to return. While it may seem like I was missing from the reunion dinner on Chinese New Year's eve with my family, I compensated by bringing an additional member (my husband) home for the reunion on the 2nd day. It is definitely interesting how the Chinese customs work sometimes.

As I start to revel in the deeper meaning of the Chinese New Year, I am learning more and more things and enjoying my experience as each Chinese New year comes and goes. I am now mingling with my new family members (maybe not so new anymore), and it is an interesting experience learning to interact with them and understanding their family background.
My family is not really a big one; but my in-laws had a slightly bigger family and there are even children running around. Reunion dinner was also really meaningful as my brothers-in-law and their families are based in other countries, and I could see the smiles and joy on my mother-in-law's face when they return for the celebrations. Such was the drops of contentment in a mother's heart.

This year, I was not that much into the mood, perhaps another sign of getting older, but I did some thinking and made resolutions in conjunction with the new beginning of a lunar year.
I have noticed the signs of age on both sets of parents, and it is evident that they are happy to see their children all grown up and independent nowadays. However, are we truly aware of the things they need? Of course money could help them to survive and buy the things they need to get by the day, but the thing that they would need most is the love and attention from their grown up children, and I wonder whether we have been doing enough, or are we just like the contemporary working people, just satisfying their kids' wants with money?

Besides the parents, are we all just merely putting on shows with the beautiful clothes, shoes, bags and hampers we prepare each year? Do we focus our thoughts on being thankful for our blessings; for being able to have new things to put on and place around the house? While we thank God for being able to afford the things we have, do we also think of those who are less fortunate out there?
Yes, it is good to be able to afford the good food on the table, the beautiful clothes on us and the fireworks to set off to enjoy the festive mood, but sometimes, I just wonder are we all just looking at the surface and merely pleased by the materialistic things in life? Or are we turning ourselves into self-obsessed beings; where we are focused on the things WE have, WE want, WE need, and WE must buy. It seems to be all about us, but when it comes to others, we tend to shy away or mumble a few excuses that we have just enough to feed our own.

Are we all being giving enough?
Festive seasons are not about the parading of the finest cloaks nor the most expensive silver on the table, but rather, it should be about a change deep within, and time to renew the relationship with the ones we love. Start to love ourselves, our parents and our families/loved ones and those around us, and slowly make a change. Confucius had also said in one of his literature that if we were to treat everyone around us like our own family, the world would be a much better place to live in. The same concept was practiced in Christianity where we would refer to one another as brothers and sisters.
As kids, we love to collect the red packets filled with money and when we grow up and gotten married, we are the ones filling those red packets with the money to be given to others. I have even heard of those who quarrel over the amount of money to be put into that red packet, and those who complain about the amount they received. Is that the spirit of giving and receiving in a brand new year?

When we put that money into the pocket, we should not be counting only the dollar notes, do fill it with sincere prayers and thoughts. We share and exchange the well wishes with each other during the festive season, and usually the younger ones(or the recipients) would wish the elders all the good blessings before receiving the red packet. Let these be real words from the heart, put some thought into it and wish from the bottom of your heart.
For those giving the angpows, return the wishes with a warm thought and smile, and also wish the recipients the wonderful things you can think of and hope for.

When you do good with a sincere heart and with a genuine intention, it can be felt with the heart and it truly shows on the face. Yes, that eminent glow on the face and a good feeling in the heart is all that matters.
All the beautiful things, food and clothes are just merely cosmetic decorations to enhance the joyous spirit of everyone in wishing for good things at the beginning of the year; hoping to chase away the bad from the previous year and hoping for a change. When the year changes, EVERY one wants changes in their life, and for the better, of course.

For things to change, one must first change....and remember, it always comes from the heart.
When you truly give and receive from the heart, and OPEN up your heart to everyone out there (loved ones and less fortunate ones), you will find that happiness and peace and good things will surely come.

Even the flowers will look especially beautiful when it blooms in full, as it comes from the heart.




May the Horse Year brings you much more joy and good things!~

Be Happy each day, or at least, 100 Happy Days!~

While I have launched my own personal project which is still on its way, I have also decided to take up the #100happydays challenge which is fast spreading like forest fire on the social media world.
There are just so many things we ought to be thankful for, and since life is short, why focus on the sad things in life.

It is also an extremely meaningful project which helps many to discover happiness, and to find that way to just smile each day.
It is a realistic milestone, with the 100 days set as the limit out of the 365 days but why limit happiness? It is even better to be able to outlive the 100 days and make it to being happy for the whole year. What an interesting ode to happiness this is!

There are many things happening out there in the world, and while we cannot predict what will happen next, the only thing that is within our control is our attitude and mindset towards each of the events unfolding in our lives. If we choose to embrace it with a anguish and sorrow, then it will set the mood in ourselves to be moody and grumpy. On the contrary, taking it in a stride, wiping away the tears and smile and tell ourselves, "It will get better" is definitely a better way to handle the situation and to send that cheerful strait down to our hearts.

I am happy, and I must keep it that way!
Will you?

#100HappyDaysChallenge

My Project 365

So I have made a resolution at the beginning of the year 2014 that I will be working on multiple things that I am currently focusing on; and will be revealed in time, and one of these key projects is my #Project365.
The name of the project sounds simple and self-explanatory enough, and it was something which came to my mind all of a sudden; and it even became clearer when I caught glimpse of a quotation made by a Buddhist monk. It got me thinking for a while, and I was determined that I wanted to try it out. It sounds like a simple thing, but it requires a true passion and of course sincerity from the bottom of the heart to make it work.
Simple yet complicated?
I must have got you wondering what on earth I was talking about...

Well, the quote was quite simple on which the concept of my personal project was borne.
It goes this way that, 'if we were to do one good deed a day, we could have helped 365 souls in a year'. Sounds good and really noble, right? It was definitely a positive way to kick start the brand new year, and it made perfect sense to do something for a change in this ever evolving world.
So, with that in mind, I took up the challenge and created my #Project365 for my personal trial.
Although I have not been posting on this blog (I will try to do so soon) on a daily basis, that did not mean I did not pay much thought to my project, and that those were just the generic resolutions like many others which would probably end up in the closet.
Nope, I remembered and thought of, or prayed for that one thing I could do each day to help or do something good, or for someone out there.
The concept is to do something good, be it for others or loved ones, or even for ourselves.
It could even be something as simple as just a prayer, yes, it was that simple, but, again, the key is the purity of the thought that goes into the action. That was the beautiful part of this project.

Today is already Day 45 of the year 2014; and I dare not say that I have done much to change the world (that is not the point, though it would be a small part to the ultimate goal), but I have found peace within myself and felt a little refreshed.
The things that I have done, may not be a lot, but they have helped to shape my project, which I reckon would be tuned along the way. After all, this is the first attempt, and being human, we can't guarantee 100% success rate due to the emotions which cloud us each day and also the unforeseen/unpredictable circumstances which take place every day.
However, I have done the following; though not in any particular order:-
1. Smiled at a stranger (the person probably thought I was out of my mind, but it did make a difference as he looked rather sullen and when I smiled, he couldn't help but form a slight smile as though to reciprocate mine. That, to me, was a success, and I felt good) - Multiple times

2. Gave way to a family who was trying to cross the road amidst the crazy traffic in town where cars were dashing all over the places. They waved back, and I felt happy to be a courteous driver =)
Gave way to drivers and pedestrians and thanked people for giving way as well.
It was all part of the journey to create more courtesy in Malaysia - Multiple times

3. Held the door open for a couple pushing a pram and balancing their shopping bags on a few occasions; in a shopping mall and also in a condominium lobby - Multiple times

4. Gave up my seat to an elderly couple while on a swaying bus going down a winding road on one of my trips to the outskirt. The elderly couple thanked me all the way, and even said they do not deserved it. This was probably the best thing I have done for it made me really happy and touched that such a small thing could have created such a big effect on others. - x3

5. Spent some time listening to the grouches and rants of the elderly sales women on duty at the shopping malls, and comforted them. They were oppressed due to their age and also suffered disrespect from the customers due to their jobs and they just needed to air their frustrations. I even offered them advices to just ignore those who disrespect them and not curse others. It was an interesting experience and I have learnt a lot; one of which is the way they think and their expectations - x3

6. Prayed for the people who have hurt me and my family; and prayed for their forgiveness. Learning to let go and also healing myself and the wounds of my loved ones. It is a long journey, but I will continue trying as I have let go of the burden. God will guide them the way, for they know not what they are doing at the moment. - every day

7. Offered things which I would not in the past; as part of my reconciliation process. I am a possessive person at times, but I have learnt the joys of sharing and opening up to the people around me to know and be known better by others. It was a rewarding journey, particularly during the festive season as I could reach to others' souls and make a difference.

8. Helped people with chores others would not do, but was reciprocated with much kindness. This was definitely a highlight as well.

As you can see, I do not detail much of the things I have done for I am still very much a personal and rather private person; and also because there are things which involved the privacy of others which I need to respect. Perhaps I will be more open in time to come, and hopefully I can start to update this blog on a daily basis on the progress of my project 365!

Update for today; Day 45?
I have reconnected with friends whom I have neglected in the past, and even sent a few smiles and warm wishes down their way, making everyone delighted.
It sent a warm feeling to my heart, and stirred inside me the inexplicable feeling of gratitude and joy.

As today is also the double celebration of the Chinese Valentine's Day and the Valentine's Day which coincides on such a rare basis, oh, there's also the Chap Goh Meh, the last day of the 15-day celebration of the Lunar New Year, what is better than spreading more love around?
Love and be loved!~

Counting my Blessings - 2013 in Reflection

The year comes and goes, and in barely a wink of an eye, it is time to bid farewell to a year and get ready to welcome another year with open arms.
It is not about whether we are ready for time, just like tide, waits for no man and we should always be ready to face each day with new life and a new attitude!

While I have lost touch with my blogs for more than a year and it was painful not being able to share most of my life stories on my blog, but looking back, I was caught up with so much at work and travel that I barely get to sleep that I wonder had I the time to blog. Or turning it the other way around, I could also have found solace in my blogs where I could just quickly pen down my thoughts and things which took shape around me in the whole entire year. While recovering from the major threats on my blogs, I had seen and gone through so much from 2012 to 2013, and while there are many wonderful moments, I have also had my own share of the bitter experiences but I take it all in a positive stride as I take them as part of my learning experiences; and in growing up (or wiser?)

Many things have happened; it is after all, a total of 365 days in a year, and while I was an optimistic person in general, I have too fallen prey to the pessimist side of myself in some of those days. Thankfully, with God's whispers and guidance, I took His hand and got up, held my head up and smiled. It may hurt at some times, but there is always a silver lining. I am starting to go back to my journal of blessings where I list down all the things which made me happy and things which I may not understand at the moment, but will eventually. It was just a little habit I have since young, and I have taken a backseat once in a while, but I am determined to keep it going.
As today is the last day of 2013, as usual, I will take a trip down memory lane to relive all the memories and major events which I have gone through in the year it was, before starting afresh with the New Year tomorrow.

2013....I have
1. Taken on new major responsibilities at work
2. Learnt to work with different people from different areas of expertise
3. Met new friends who became steadfast buddies (including customers/partners)
4. Helped my customers/clients with their issues at work
5. Taken on new challenges in a new environment
6. Changed my perspectives on life
7. Understood more about why things happen the way they did
8. Traveled to places - for work and for leisure (well, mostly for work, but finally I did take that break for leisure)
9. Taken more notice of my own health and well-being (LOL, I have neglected myself sometimes in the midst of the hectic lifestyle)
10. Reconnected with some old friends and people from the past and it felt extremely good
11. Found my true soul friends whom I can trust and rely on
12. Learnt to Let Go (Okay, I have to admit, this is still in progress, but I am working on it)
13. Changed my hairstyle (hehe, nothing major, just minor changes on the waves by my hairstylist)
14. Relocated to new place due to work, and traveled extensively on a monthly basis
15. Revived my blogs and working on NEW directions and blood for my writing (yes, writing rather than blogging alone)
16. Reconnected with my books (I am loving the relationship...it was like before)
17. Learnt more on tolerances and making time for loved ones
18. Taken business class flight (probably no biggie to some, but how it happened was an amazing story which I will tell in my blog soon)
19. Enjoyed luxury on my travel, dining, etc (an upgrade?)
20. Made changes in my direction of career
21. Gone on an All Girls' trip - yeah it's a first!
22. Opened up more to close friends (not an easy feat for me either)

2013...I have NOT
1. Followed my heart in some of things I should have pursued (I should learn to listen to myself sometimes to avoid those little mistakes)
2. Fully Let Go of everything holding me back (as I've said, I am working on it...I will really try my best)
3. Updated my blogs enough
4. Read or write as much as before (and this saddens me)
5. Improved on my packing or shopping skills (I wonder whether I need to? LOL)
6. Bungee jump or go camping in the wilderness (Not really me, so I can pass)
7. Travel the world (I will get to there someday)
8. Spend enough time with my loved ones (yes, this is something I must work on more)
9. Backed down on my stand and my beliefs (can't decide if this is a good or bad thing yet)
10. Lost my own Identity (yes, I always remind myself)

I have laughed, cried, fell, got up and hurt badly in the course of a year, but it was all part and parcel of life.
Old wounds have resurfaced, but I am not letting them take me down. I just need to deal with them.
It is not easy, but life is a journey in itself and I am still learning to take in things one day at a time.

The world is full of opportunities, and all we need to have is FAITH.
I have so much to say that I can't finish them all in one post, but here's to a rather roller coaster ride of a year in 2013...it has been GOOD, but looking forward to MORE in 2014~

Goodbye 2013, I have learnt from you....and thank you
Hello 2014....Welcome and looking forward to unwrapping you part by part~ :-)

Christmas isn't Christmas

Christmas isn't Christmas 
Till it happens in your heart.
Somewhere deep inside you 
Is where Christmas really starts.
So give your heart to Jesus, 
You'll discover when you do
That it's Christmas, 
Really Christmas for you

Jesus brings warmth like a winter fire,
A light like a candle's glow.
He's waiting now to come inside
As He did so long ago.

Jesus brings gifts of truth and life
And makes them bloom and grow.
So welcome Him with a song of joy
And when He comes you'll know.

That Christmas isn't Christmas 
Till it happens in your heart.
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts.
So give your heart to Jesus, 
You'll discover when you do
That it's Christmas, 
Really Christmas for you.
Christmas really Christmas,
Christmas really Christmas for you.


(One of the MOST BEAUTIFUL CHRISTMAS songs)