Monday, November 7, 2011


There are just so much a girl goes through before, during and after her wedding and everything revolves around feelings, emotions, and thoughts.

Of course, the feelings are mostly positive but there are also times when one could feel confused, worried, anxious, etc, which are all the normal feelings felt by a soon-to-be bride and were often termed as pre-wedding jitters.

However, I rarely felt these jitters and the feelings I felt had no relation to my soon-to-be husband as we were both very much in love. On the contrary, I started discovering a lot of things about people around me and the events which were surrounding me.

It is a very complicated matter, and nobody could have ever imagined what I had gone through because I could not divulge on this openly to protect the privacy of people in my life, no matter how disappointed and frustrated I felt.

There are times when I wonder, should I even bother to take care of their feelings or respect them when they don't even give a damn?
Yes, damn is an extremely strong word in my dictionary which I rarely, if not never, used in my context of language.
I do feel upset with why people behave that way even when all due respect and honor is given to them, and yet they choose to behave in a downright rude or childish way, and these are elders, mind you.
Is respect only for elders, and that they don't have to respect us in return?
Respect, to me, is two-way, and it needs to be earned, not given. Respect could be attached to the rank of the person, whereby we have to respect because of the seniority of the person but there would not be attainment of respect if the other party does not reciprocate.

I have always respected the elders; and with my sincere heart, in whatever I do.
Even when I do wrong, I apologize, because who is ever perfect in their life? I understand, and I respect the different ways people do things and also how some people could never understand what I think. I do, I really do understand and I never allow Anger to come into the way, no matter what people do to me.

However, being human, there are times when I feel like there was just so much injustice and how some people could return kindness with just ignorance, arrogance, and nonchalance with an air of attitude!
When I wondered whether I did anything wrong, then I stopped myself, "Why am I always the one who has to understand? Why, must I be in the wrong when others are upset with me?"
It is a complicated journey, and one which is filled with questions.

I feel hurt and disappointed sometimes, by the behavior of people around me and yet, I still tell myself, "Maybe they have their reasons"
I prayed to God for His guidance, and His comfort, for He Knows about everything; He is our Creator, after all.
There are times when I tell myself, it was probably God's test for me, to see how strong is my faith.

Like the sea, I understand that there are always the ups and downs in life, and how we can land in frustration when things go wrong.
It was probably God's Will, to have us experience the good and the bad (and the ugly) for us to appreciate the good when they come along.

Perhaps it was God's doing all the while, to show me negative parts of some people whom I respect, loved and cared about (or thought so) to make me realize that they don't care in return, and that there were those who were always in the background but they really cared.
God wanted me to appreciate others who were always there for me, by accentuating their halos when I am down.

There is always a reason for everything, and no matter how down I feel about things happening around me or how people don't seem to care, I will continue to pray for God's presence in my life and to show me the light.
Perhaps the silver lining will show up soon; or perhaps it was already there but I just need time to realize it.

I may be disappointed and hurt, but these feelings are also surrounded by happiness and warmth; with the presence of true love, sincerity and kindness existing.
God shows me that there is always HOPE,and LOVE :)

Praise the Lord, whom I owe everything to, and I continue to pray for His blessings every day!

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