Thursday, May 31, 2012

Expectations from marriage

Two years ago, I was floating on cloud nine when my guy proposed to me while on one of the most beautiful vacation overseas and then after dancing around in my dreams for a little bit, it was time to launch into planning mode to throw everything that I ever wanted/dreamt of as a little girl to realize that perfect wedding.
The whole process took an entire year; and that was one year ago, I still couldn't believe that it is now behind me and today, I carry the title of a Mrs. and I am officially married to someone.
I have a husband now and even my posts on my blog are about 'us' instead of all me nowadays.

It's funny how things have taken a turn for a change; but of course, I see it as a good change and also, part of growing up. Entering a new phase of life means taking on new responsibilities and perspectives on life.
What used to be me and me alone now becomes 'us'.

To be honest, I have wrote about a lot of things about 'what happens after I do', settling into my married life and also my personal thoughts on being married and there are just so much more to write about that I have running through my mind since October last year. However, while we are enjoying our journey of being married, we also start to face certain expectations.
We have known each other for some time and therefore, we have skipped that part of settling and fitting in each other's life as we have gone through most of those in discussion and in dealing with each other during our courting period.
Therefore, I am not talking about expectations of each other; but rather I was surprised that there were other expectations coming from other sources; for instance our parents, families, relatives and even friends.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying it in a negative way, but it just surprised me although I have been told by my friends and family earlier yet it still kind of struck me as funny yet amusing when I realized it.
If you are guessing about pregnancy, yes, you got it right.

I know it is a norm to be expecting the newly weds to have children; but I just didn't expect it to come instantly.
I was pursued with questions of "When are you planning to have a baby?", "Are you pregnant yet?", "Are you guys planning to have kids anytime soon/at all?", "Are you guys on family planning mode?" and a lot more of such nature even in the first month of my marriage!

I just find it a little all too rushed and the best part is, we are not even the ones who are in panic mode.
Some are telling us (the older aunties and uncles) that we ought to plan for one as soon as possible while young or else we could be old when the children grow up.
It is ironic that these people could be more anxious compared to us; people who have the potential to become parents, although I am assured of their concern and kindness. I do know that everyone means well.

Family planning is something that everyone is concerned about; I am sure after one enters the phase of marriage and while we can be hearing questions and friendly advices on the right way to plan for a baby and other worldly experiences from our elders, there are also times when the couple themselves need to decide for themselves whether to bring a new life into the world on their own will and not succumb to pressure.
I was told that this is only the tip of the iceberg and after that, more and more questions will come knocking on my door.

I have recently heard of friends who have gotten pregnant; actually, there are tons of them that it almost seemed like everyone around me is pregnant or were pregnant. I have even heard of two miscarriages from two of my close friends and my heart cries silently for my friends' pain over the loss.
I know that most people are enthusiastic about having a baby, and some of my friends even told me that the pregnancy came unexpectedly.

As for me, I am not sure when I will be joining the circle of expecting mothers or enter the realm of motherhood as it is not just up to us to make this decision but also something which lies in the power from above; to whom I am leaving our fate to.
This is usually the answer I give to concerned people who asked me about whether I am pregnant or not, after being married for a few months now; or half a year. 
To us, having a baby may sound like an easy thing but there are just so many things to look forward to besides having that new member in the family. Financial stability, mental and physical maturity, our readiness to take on a new role, and also many other things. It is not just about following the majority or giving into peer pressure to have a child at the 'right' time/age.
The human issues versus our divine destiny is just usually the answer I give to concerned and anxious people around us; God will let us know when the right time is?:-)

Perhaps the time will come when I write in my blog about the joys of becoming a mother and how it is like to be expecting, or maybe the blog will fully revolve around the new member.
The time will come, I am sure, for all of us and if it is not meant to be, well, that is also something we should be prepared for.

When the day comes, I will definitely write more in my blog...and that time, don't ask me the next question, "When is the next one coming along?" 

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