Wednesday, May 2, 2012

What really changes after I Do?

Many have asked me the question "How's married life?" since I have walked down the aisle and professed my vows before God last year, tying the knot with someone whom I am to spend the rest of my lifetime with.
Someone whom I know call my hubby, the man who takes his place beside me as long as we both live.

It is a common question; and rather expected out of the mouths of friends and relatives of a newly wed couple as a way of greeting and striking a conversation with the couple. The response was rarely heeded; as though everyone knows the type of answer which will come out of their mouths which will be a polite and one of a positive note, like the following:
"Great, we are so in love with each other!"
"We are just having so much fun"
"We simply can't get away from each other, even if it is just for a few minutes"
"I can't tell you how much I am loving it"
and the list just goes on as each shares their own account of their thoughts on their new phase of life.

Of course, most will nod their heads in agreement for it is expected of a newly wed couple; as they enjoy that early days of knowing each other better and exploring beyond the normal everyday boundaries which were hidden beneath the seemingly perfect surface of their other half.
That is an exchange of the secret lives between the two people now sworn to spend their lifetime with each other, and everyone would be expecting that they will be enjoying the experience of discovering each other. After all, it is the honeymoon period, isn't it?

As for me, I do not deny the above responses which I would probably agree with, but whole-heartedly and at the same time, I would also like to say that for hubby and myself, we somehow felt that nothing really changed after saying "I Do".

Yes, we have entered into our new phase of our lives, by sharing our lives together as one; and no longer as two single individuals but yet, we seemed to just ease so comfortably into our roles as though we have been long married. Perhaps it was the long time we have known each other and took to learning and understanding each other or perhaps we just feel so close that we could just share on our own respective life stories and backgrounds ever since we knew each other.
The number of years we have had and the ups and downs we have encountered during our relationship attributed to the strong understanding we have of each other today.

Things were not easy when it first started and there were doubts and insecurities as question after question rises when we were deciding on the direction of our relationship, which first started as friendship. However, as we roughed it out and smoothed the differences through our experiences and learning from our mistakes, we soon started to enjoy being with each other and really understood what it is like to have someone in our lives.

We were both new in relationships; never having had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. Yes, we are both our firsts, which is really sweet and something which I wished I could have ever since I was younger. Back then, I often wondered who I am going to meet in the future, and what kind of person I will end up marrying or will I even get married someday. (Haha, I am that hilarious:)
You could say that I was an extremely cautious person when it comes to trusting people; and especially to enter into a relationship. Call me conservative or even dumb, but I thought of relationships as romantic and that it should be filled with love and trust and it must last until marriage. I was not looking for flings or dates for fun even at a young age; I knew I wanted someone whom I would marry someday. A guy once told me that I should try dating to know what kind of guy suits me; I know he's not wrong, but I also told him in return, I don't want to try, I know I will know when the right one comes along.

It sounded like a cliche line from one of those romantic movies, I know, and the funny thing is, I didn't really know when the right guy comes along! It shows that things are never what they seemed, but time proved everything.

Entering into marriage is a first step to know each other better, as many before us tells us. It is time to know about the deepest secrets, the good and the bad habits, the background and life journey about that very person you are about to spend your lifetime with.
For us, we have done ALL that when we took that journey through our years of relationship to finally confirm that we are ready to be married.

We did not do it the other way round but instead, we decided that we must know each other before we take that step.

So what really changes after we are married today? (since we claim to know each other so well before marriage)
I can say that we are familiar yet unfamiliar with each other's grounds, but we are using the familiarity and knowledge of each other to venture into the unknown. We work with each other, to understand each other better. While many may have encountered feud when discussing about finances and home maintenances, we have reached our own common understanding since we knew of each other's style by making the best of each's expertise in our respective fields.
For instance, I could do planning in fields such as home; shopping for the groceries and necessities or planning for parties and events with the family while hubby could make decisions on the travel, vehicles and major planning. It is something that we must be able to agree upon, and not doubt each other's decision. To reach this, it requires trust and respect for the equality which exists in the relationship.

To say that we are experts about each other is definitely still an understatement for even couples who are married for decades still claim they will never stop learning about each other.
However, I truly appreciate the longer days we spent in our relationship and going through the ups and downs to prepare us for our marriage and joining our lives as one as we understand the best and worst of each other.
We are now more knowing of each other, and sometimes we just know what each other thinks without even having to say another word.
We will continue to discover more of the ups and downs or marriage, but we are confident we will be able to handle them all as we have during our courtship.

As for blending in with our respective families, it was something we had done even during our courting period, as our parents are well versed with each other and with us. Living or dealing with either side of the parents is not an issue; and in fact, we now have 2 sets of parents that we equally love and care about.

I won't say that everything is going to be a breeze or a fairytale, for there are bound to be ups and downs, but I will hold his hand and together we will counter them all.
Nothing changes after marriage?
Yes, a lot has changed...we are making ourselves a better couple from our past and sharing our new life as ONE.
THAT, is the main change after marriage :-)

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