It is what we called an identity crisis; where you start to do some serious and deep searching into your soul, to discover your true passion or you would even start to question yourself whether your job is something you want to do for the rest of your life.
For some, this phase comes as early as during the adolescence or even pre-teens period - this bunch really mature earlier than the rest, and some, faced a mid-twenties crisis or mid-life (30s-50s) and some, ask themselves the same question towards the end of their lives.
Nobody is perfect; we do go through this at some point or another, even the most famous icons whom we admire and look up to.
Everyone will go through this phase and it is just a matter of time. Some even chose to ignore, but honestly, there is no escaping.
I am going through a phase like this myself; shocking as it may seems as I was always perceived as the perfect girl - someone who had dreams and works to achieve them. I have always been a performer, an achiever, a leader, and the role model for the younger generation among friends and family.
However, I am just as human as anyone out there on the road, and there are also secret dreams I do have, and some were never realized.
One of my earliest dreams was to be a dentist or a doctor, or even at an earlier age, a teacher.
It was of course well-received by the family as these were deemed to be good and approved professions/career paths.
I set my focus on being a doctor, and worked hard but yet in the end, I did not choose the path for various reasons (personal).
Maybe I do have secret dreams of what I want to be, but I do have to do some serious soul searching and it somehow is easier when I narrowed down my list by eliminating what I definitely do NOT want to be.
Since I have graduated from university, I was offered jobs in few multinational corporations but I chose one in which I started my career during the early years.
Due to my qualifications, I was in the software development and applications support field in the beginning and then I moved towards the engineering field.
I started to become a design engineer, and I had to pick up knowledge on topics/things which an average engineer would take 5 years to acquire and I was expected to excel in it in less than 3 months.
Tough, but it was challenging and I did what I was told, fuelling in extra work.
It paid off a little, but still, I did not feel satisfied with myself, as I just felt that it was a path that seemed rather vague then.
I made the decision to leave the job, and that decision alone took me a long long time to finalize, as honestly, I have come to love the place and the people but I know, I have to think for myself, and let go, moving on to the next path offered by another giant corporation.
Life was different in the new company; and I could not help comparing the place to the earlier work place (it's unfair, I know). My job scope was totally different although it was still highly technical and relevant to the engineering field.
In the new job, I have to learn new engineering stuffs which are different from my previous job and this requires technical and practical skills.
Furthermore, besides the technical part, I had to incorporate the sales and marketing aspects into the job, as I had to propose and sell the company's products.
These products are not your average pick-off-the-shelves-in-Carrefour but big technological products which cost more than thousands in dollars and our target customers are those big factories sitting in the top industrial areas as they are the ones with the big bucks.
One does not just walk through their doors and tell them to buy the products, but I'd need to prepare a whole convincing "buy me" prep talk to face those with the power to make me walk out smiling or browse for new opportunities again.
I've never imagined that I would do well, but I did unexpectedly, and I had a lot of bright opportunities lighting my path and I even had the support of the management.
However, I have found myself wondering whether this is the path I really want, or if I liked all the strings that came with the tag.
And I realized that it was a No, and again I struggled with the decision.
I am a stable and sensible person, but at the same time, I have a raging passion for what I believe in and in what I truly enjoy doing which may not deem so in the eyes of everyone else (who cares).
I know the paths I have taken; I have been there and done that, and looking forth, I want to do something different, something that puts a smile on my face and I can wake up telling myself (instead of just plain psycho-ing myself every morning, "I Love my Job" and all that crap).
I KNOW I LOVE writing, absolutely, it is what I enjoy and want to breathe and I just have to figure out my way to work on it and not just sit there telling everyone (myself included) that I love writing and yet do nothing about it.
I dared to dream big, and that includes being able to be a published author, an established writer AND blogger.
I even dreamt of being able to freelance or write/work for big names like
1. New York Times
2. Reader's Digest
3. International Herald Tribune (part of NYT)
4. Wall Street Journal
5. Washington Post
6. Time Magazine
It's a BIG dream huh, but well, they always teach us to dream big.
Aim for the galaxy, even if you can't reach, you will still land among the stars...and you may not necessarily failr to reach, rrrrright?